Talk about feelings? I like kitties...

Why is it so difficult to tell someone close to you that they are hurting your feelings?

Or to tell someone that you want to be a part of their life? Using the wise words of my dear friend, "it's [not] that you want to be surgically attached, it's that you want to feel like you're part of [their] whole life, not just a segment of it."

Why is it so hard to say that? 

I don't really have much to say on the matter because, quite honestly, I can't organize my thoughts enough to get it down. My brain is jumbled. And I'm feeling down.

I tend to think my not wanting to talk about my feelings is because of my many failed attempts to do so in the past, and the losers that I dated making it seem like my feelings didn't matter. So, I've been conditioned in a way. Keep your feelings in, even if you don't like how things are going. Deal with it. Bah!

I struggle to be better in this arena. I strive to be better in life in so many ways. At work, I push myself to do better, set goals and try my hardest to exceed them. In life, I pride myself on being adventurous and find it exhilarating to make great changes like packing my belongings into a U-haul and moving to an unknown city. I try to get involved in new things regularly and continue to learn about my body, limits, and push boundaries. But when it comes to how I feel, that is a struggle I can't seem to surpass.

This is now my focus. I will work to do better with expressing the feelings I tend to bottle up. Any advice in doing this is welcome.

Do you struggle with sharing your feelings? How do you work past the fear?

Now look at these fluffy kitties!

<3Tina

A Recipe for the Books!

It's been awhile. I've been a huge slacker with blogging, made obvious by my lack of posts. I want to do better. And I'm going to try to have a post at least once a week and go from there.

I have a recipe for you, for your friends, your siblings, coworkers, etc.. Anyone who will take the time to listen. This one is for the books and everyone should have it.

As of late, I've witnessed and experienced really foul attitudes towards others who are striving for success and obtaining goals they have set for themselves. Why can't we just be excited for others? Support them in their lives and strive for better ourselves?

Short story time: A lady in my office is constantly putting others down. Pointing out the flaws of anyone and everyone and making a personal vendetta against some. It's very strange. Most recently, she has voiced her opinion on the fact that a couple of recent interns would soon be at the same level that she is currently (and she's been here for some years). Well, she is not happy about that. And everyone knows. But maybe if she didn't put all of her time and energy into negativity, she would have more time to work, progress, and get promoted herself. Hmmmm???

As for the recipe...it's simple.

1 part excitement
1 part support

That's it! Some physical activity such as jumping up and down might be involved but not always required.

Feel free to leave out the:

Jealousy
Hate
Judgement
Resentment

When you're friend has done well at work and is awarded and they call you to celebrate, get excited for them!! If they have been looking for work and finally nail an interview and think it could result in an offer, jump up and down with them!! They called YOU because they thought you would be there for them! Not be bitter and angry because you aren't getting the same things. If what they are achieving is something you, too, would like to do, seek advice and work hard. And after you that and don't see the results you'd like, work *harder*.

Get excited because they are excited. Feel good because your friend feels good. Don't let those ugly negative feelings take over. You are in control of your thoughts and feelings. Make the necessary changes so that you can be happy, not only for yourself but for others.

My last piece of advice... tell those around you that you are proud of them or congratulate them on a job well done. You don't have to be prompted to do this, just do it on your own. It's so good to see a friend smile.

Have a good day, friends!

<3Tina

Ehrmehgerd!

^^^This guy^^^ knows what's up! 

That's right! I went shopping. And got amazing cheap(ish) things that I am super excited to share! This shopping all happened because I am going out with a group of friends for work tomorrow night and I desperately need something to wear. So, I turned to my favorite thrift store... Goodwill. 

Now, I didn't find anything for going out, but I did find a few great deals! Check it out...

Score! 

The red (A says its coral) is a New York & Co. and the blue (which is really teal but I have a crap camera until I can afford something better) is from J.Crew. Both steals at $5 a pop! I also snagged a pair of Gap Trouser jean pants for $7, and a copy of Mean Girls for $2. All in all a good trip to the local Goodwill. 

On the way home from Goodwill, A and I stopped off at Avenues because we had noticed a "Store Closing" sign and guess what that means!?! SALE!! That is right, everything in the store is 70-80% off. Excellente. I ended up only buying one blouse but went back today to dig through somethings because I just *knew* there was more to find. This is what I found....

I scored a pair of white skinny jeans (which I am scared to wear but I've been doing a lot of blog reading and soul searching and I think I can do it) for $15.40, the lavender (I know it doesn't look lavender) blouse for $10.46, and that TOO cute dress at $14.98! Not too shabby, hey? 

When I left Avenue, I noticed Ross was still open, and who can pass up a good sifting through those racks? Not I. I got 2 GREAT deals! 

Do. You. See. That?!?

That's a double-headed snake belt. FOR $1.99! Ehrmehgerd! I died a little from all the excitement. I actually almost bought two of them because of the price and how amazing it really is. The top next to it is the beautiful blue and black lace that I am very excited to wear and it was a steal at $10.99. 

So, there you have it. This was my evening last night and tonight. I'm not much of a shopper, but when I get the bug, I love it! 

Happy hunting!

<3Tina

Slime Time Live!

EEERRRR!! EEERRRR!!! EEERRRR!!!!

If you watched Nickelodeon growing up, you know that that's the warning sign that you're about to get SLIMMED!!!! If you're Lori Beth you take it like a champ. I like to think I take after her in that way...

Except there was no warning sign... except for my mothers laughter when I told her I was trying this recipe.

Avocado Buttercream

I found the recipe on Food Network's website. It's an easy recipe by Alton Brown. 

You will need: 

8 ounces of avocado "meat" - or 2 smallish avocados

2 teaspoons of freshly squeezed lemon juice

1 pound of sifted powdered sugar

1/2 teaspoon lemon extract

What to do:

Peel and pit the avocados.
Place the avocado into the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment along with the lemon juice and beat until lightened in color, approximately 2 to 3 minutes.
Add the powdered sugar a little at a time and beat until smooth.
Add the lemon extract and mix to combine. 
If not using right away, store in the refrigerator.

This sounds easy peasy, right? Because I was planning on baking two dozen cupcakes, I doubled the recipe and subtracted the lemon extract (because I didn't have that in the cabinet).

Because I don't have sifter, I use this meshy strainer thing. Just shake back and forth and, voila!

Then I added the lemon juice followed by the sifted powdered sugar a little at a time.
Oh, and added two (blended) kiwi to flavor the frosting because I was going for kiwi-strawberry cupcakes. 

And I got slimmed.


This stuff was capital N, nasty. The flavor wasn't bad. It actually had really good flavor, but the texture was appalling. The first thing I thought of was Nickelodeon slime. Gooey. And gross.

Foul.

I'll let you know next time what I ended up making  :)
They turned out excellent. And no slime.

<3 Tina <3

Birthday Bliss

Do you remember the single greatest moment of your life?

I DO!

I mean this moment ranks up there with other special moments like:

1. Watching my sister marry her lurverr
2. Securing employment with a government contractor at a CAPS game (6 months out of school WOOT)
3. Becoming part of the greatest sisterhood I could EVER imagine! ΓH <3

***EDIT***
3a. Meeting the one and only Allie, my sidekick and radio co-host, in what might be the worst university lit class ever and becoming life long friends
***END EDIT***

4. Not dying from appendicitis....

...are you getting a good understanding of how great this moment was?

This.

Was the moment.

Every woman dreams of.

I was in the middle of straightening my hair when...

My very own Kitchenaid mixer had arrived at my doorstep!

HALLELUYERRR!

And it's PURPLE! Sweet baby Jesus!

So much baking will be happening! I've actually gotten to make a few things and will be sharing sometime this weekend. I have a couple of posts to do... one pretty lengthy and one major FAIL. I'd rather not show you how bad it was, but it must be done.

I finally finished my hair and was on my way to meet some friends.

I am one happy lady!
Thanks to the greatest momma and dad ever!
Look forward to some baking posts this weekend. 

<3 Tina

"How do you spell 'doormat'?": A Guide to Assertiveness for the Introvert

My roommate, A, and I have been talking about how well we mesh because we both **really** like our alone time and know when it's time to socialize and when we need our time alone. We both identify as introverts and we are very comfortable living together because we just get it. We don't have to talk to one another in the mornings, we don't need to talk when we get home, we don't even need to talk while sitting together in the same room in silence. We are just...quiet. It's not that we don't like one another, we actually quite enjoy the others company. It's just that we are introverted.


You might be asking yourself, "What is an introvert?" "How do you live like that?" or probably an array of other questions. And it's not that we NEVER talk, we do talk when we have something to say. We arent mute. This morning A actually sent me a GREAT article from the March 2003 edition of The Atlantic Magazine that explains in pretty accurate detail the ins and outs of your average introvert. "Introverts are not necessarily shy. Introverts generally are not anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings."
Extroverts have difficulty understanding introverts. "They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion."


Really, you should just go read it. It's good stuff.


Now, in my experience, the introverts I know (including myself) are not always assertive. There are times when I am, but it's not the norm. I'll be the first to admit, I talk big talk; but when it comes down to the wire, I crumble like a snickerdoodle cookie. I just don't have it in me to spit out what needs to be said, and say it in a nice, matter-of-fact way instead of getting all emotional (or defensive).


This takes us to the title of this here post: How do you spell doormat? This is something I actually blurted out last night to ask A while texting my beloved, O, something about how I had been feeling all day. I've been feeling used, and not just recently. People take my niceness for granted and I allow it. This morning I realized that. It won't ever stop unless I do something about it.


Dictionary.com
door·mat [dawr-mat, dohr-] noun

1. a mat,  usually placed before a door  or other entrance, for people arriving to wipe their shoes on before entering.

2. a person who is the habitual object of abuse or humiliation by another.


For all intents and purposes we are going to combine the two of these definitions to make our own...

door · mat

1. a person who is usually placed before the feet of others to use, wipe their shoes on, walk all over, etc...


I'm not going to include humiliated because that's not at all what I'm feeling. I'm feeling over used, though. Like, throw-me-in-the-wash-im-covered-in-the-scum-from-your-dirty-soul sole-used. I'm also feeling that if only I was assertive, things would be very different. So I set out on a [Google] search to find out how to be assertive. What's wrong with me that I feel nauseous when I have to stand up for myself? Why do I get this pit in my stomach and knot in my throat?


I came across an article that has a few simple ways to make a change:


1. Figure out what you want. (Easy enough. Right?) they say you should define what it exactly that you need.
2. Ask for it. (SKRRRRRR - pump the breaks!) This step *sounds* like it should be easy-peasy but this is where I get stuck because...
3. Think about what you're afraid of. ...this. This stopped me dead in my tracks. What exactly am I afraid of? What is the reason for the nausea and anxiety?


I really had to sit and think. For me, what it boils down to is "what happens next?" This is where my anxiety and fear are centered. Yes, I can ask/say what I want or need. But the answer that I will get is what scares the hell out of me. Rather, the answer that I don't want to hear is what scares the hell out of me. A prime example, and something that is giving me heartburn at this very moment is a question I asked O. Response pending. He is scheduled to be in DC for a conference and some interviews next Monday and Tuesday. I'm *SO* excited for him, as he will be graduating his course soon and wants to be back in the area ASAP and working. This is an excellent opportunity for him. When he told me about it my first thought was "YAY job!!" then immediately "YAY visit!!" That's right! My incredibly handsome man was going to be in the very same area code as me for a full 48 hours so of COURSE he would think to squeeze some time in for a little visit with his #1 lady. When he got the final word that he would be attending the conference I was very happy. Then I asked him when he would be arriving (duh he would come for the entire weekend before, why wouldn't he?!). "Sunday afternoon" is the answer I got. Wait..whaaa??? Sunday? That doesn't leave any snuggle time.


So, just as any one like me would, I immediately started the water works. It was involuntary, actually. Tears just rushed out of my eyes like I'd opened the Hoover Dam. I had to compose myself quickly, I was at work for goodness sake. I then went through about 5 emotions in 2.5 seconds. Sad, angry (at him), confused, angry (at myself for being angry at him), and then...AHH! Clarity!


I never TOLD him I'd like to see him while he's in town. How can I tell him this without sounding bat-shit crazy? [open new tab>google.com>how to be assertive with your boyfriend>search] Interesting. No. No. Ah, yes!


And here I am.


What I've learned through my research is:


-I need to understand that no one will know what I'm thinking. I must voice what is in my head in order for people to hear me. As silly as this sounds, there are times I'm screaming in my head and I really think someone must hear me. 
-Leave your emotions out of it. Just...do it. 
-Extroverts may will never understand me. 
-There is a difference between aggressive and assertive. 
-I must not let my fear of an unwanted response stop me from being diplomatic about a situation. 
-I need to know what I want. And I need to ask for it. 
-I CANNOT be afraid of tarnishing relationships by discussing important things with my loved ones. They love me, we will make it through a conversation. 


Please read any articles that I've linked. They were good reads, especially if you're living with an introvert. 


And, that's all I have to say about that. 


<3 Tina <3

A Good Book In My Breakfast Nook

So, the blog is a little slow going right now but you must forgive me! I've changed jobs, moved, pulled a couch onto a 4th story balcony (more on that later), and went on a weekend trip to see O all in 2 weeks time. It's been a bit CRAZY to say the least, but I love it. As you may know from my previous post, I am in the midst of a decorating frenzy. My recent obsession is the little space in our kitchen that will soon transform into the coziest of nooks. I have been paroozing Pinterest and blogs of all kinds to gain inspiration.

This is what the "eat-in kitchen" currently looks like...

I found that tile top table on Craigslist for free and had the best intentions to completely re-do the top and stain it a dark color. It was going to be beautiful...until we got it in there and realized it is entirely too big to make a nook. Needless to say, I was sad. But I've posted it back on good ol' Craigslist for someone else to enjoy. I'm sure it will make someone very happy. 

The first thing my nook needs is benches. I've found a few tutorials on how to make them from scratch and some using old kitchen cabinets. These are great options, but I'm also thinking I can re-purpose a bookshelf or find benches on Craigslist or Freecycle and spruce them up. I will definitely keep everyone posted on what I find/decide. 

Ideally, whatever bench we find or make will have storage. We have SO much kitchen stuff that any additional storage we can have would be fantastic! The first photo with the baskets I love. I think this would be perfect, and it's a steal at Walmart; buying two, however, will dig quite a hole in my very small pocket. the second option is part of the HEMNES line at Ikea.

 

One thing I'm trying to figure out how to tie together is my LOVE of white furniture and the fact that my kitchen is dark. I've been looking for inspiration photos with dark tables and white benches. I think it will come out great. 

Until next time...

<3 Tina <3